i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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