Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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