OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
