I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's blow job season.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
