I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
