He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
