I like my sex mixed with concussions.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
