Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
