You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
