Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
