Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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