This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
