we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
