i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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