the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
