Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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