its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize