my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
