also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
