that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
