i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
