oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
