Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
