Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to make a zoo with you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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