Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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