Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
how does that bad decision feel?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
