He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
