I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
