and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize