Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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