We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
