I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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