she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
