He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
