I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
