Small penises have feelings too.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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