the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
