Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
