she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize