I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my shit smells like andre
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
