Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
