the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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