I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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