I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
