Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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