Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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