You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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