I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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