Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize