I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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