the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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