i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
