I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
