I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
