don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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