Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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