I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think people are normalizing furries
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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