oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
