my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
