I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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