You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
