It's Friday. Sex?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
