the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
