My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
