don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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