my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
