If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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