it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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