I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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