Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
