Sponge bath it is.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
