im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
