Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
