What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
