in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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