"it" just moved
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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