Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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