Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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