Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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