My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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