just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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